Category: Jamie’s Creative Life

May 23, 2018

Studio Diary: Class Prep, Dance & a Garden of Potential

Studio Diary: May 23, 2018

Art: I have a class coming up that is a part of a great bundle. I’m doing some experimentation as try to find the just right way of creating the experience that I’m hoping for the students. I want them to have a visceral, intuitive experience, take away techniques they can continue to use and also have an artifact to remind them of both.

I know that something’s working because I’m getting swept up the in the process myself as I experiment with different approaches. I managed to sneak in an hour before rehearsal yesterday and some time in the early morning today. I could easily have spent all day playing with paints and pastels!

Dance: We are one month away from the show! It’s hard to believe and incredibly motivating. Yesterday we learned the first dance of the performance. It’s lively and fun and the music sticks with you. I was tired tonight and things were slow to sink in – that’s happening more too as we are holding more choreography in our memories.

For the dance we are arranged in lines and recently we had the opportunity to choose our spot, the place we feel most comfortable. Yesterday the rehearsal director told us that, for a variety of reasons, there will be adjustments and we’ll be experiencing a bit of a shuffle. She also asked us to be generous and adapt to these changes.

Another lesson from performance : Your commitment must not waver but your expectations must be flexible.

This is one of those moments when you remember that you are in a relationship – with the other dancers, with the work itself, with the creative directors and eventually with the audience itself. You are a part of something and one of the things that means is showing up for the greatest good.

As we move along in rehearsals, I think often about one of the lessons I learned in theatre. Not only is it not your job to correct, direct or ask another actor to give you what you need, but it is exceedingly bad form. I think about it every time someone raises their hand with what sounds like a question but is actually, well, usually calling others out: “Is this part supposed to be loud? (pause) I mean, it seems like there are a lot of people that are making a lot of noise.” For me, this reaffirms my commitment to staying in my own sandbox.

Often our desire to fix things, to make things better, to correct other people is our own worry that things are going to go horribly wrong and we will be uncomfortable and embarrassed. How often do we do this in life too? How often do we try to control other people’s behaviour based on how it impacts us?

Give up trying to control the circumstance. You can not control others in order to make yourself more comfortable. Bring your attention back to yourself and do your best work.

As a performer and a person, you are responsible for you. Yes, you can give help when asked but trust other people to be responsible for themselves. Trust the leaders too.

In the Garden: I couldn’t love springtime in the garden more. This past week the birds have been singing joyously and I have loved listening to them. I’ve been dancing outside too. Since our performance will be outdoors, I thought it would be good to get used to the elements. Of course, I also bring my camera because the garden changes so subtly and often that I don’t want to miss a moment.

This year the daffodils have been a highlight for me. I haven’t had much success with them in earlier years, which made me sad because I planted them in honour of my Mom. When I was a girl in Montreal, we had a wonderful backyard. Half of it was covered with tall thin trees and beneath each one Mom planted yellow daffodils. They delighted me every spring. I felt like I was walking through a forest, finding beauty along the way.

Right now the garden is filled with potential – which was my Mom’s favourite word. Everything seems to just be about to happen.

Including the sturdy Cranesbill Geranium which came from Justin’s mom’s garden. This beauty will grow just about anywhere! I’ve managed to tuck it into corners where dirt gathers and it has taken hold!

The peonies are coming, and the ants are helping them along. I still haven’t managed to get a white peony in the garden! Perhaps after the renovation, when I’m rebuilding what inevitably be broken down, I’ll be sure to do that!

The tree peony looks like it will have several blooms this year. They bloom only briefly but they are spectacular. This was the first plant that I was really excited to put in the garden. I just happened to see it as I passed by a Loblaws one day and I brought it home. The first year it gave one singular but spectacular bloom. All these years later it is stronger, the blooms are bigger and more abundant. This tree peony must finally feel more at home.

I love watching the hosta unfurl. It’s shapes are so dramatic. Looking back over these photos it’s amazing to see the different light there is in the garden at the same time of day.

But even as most of the garden is coming to life, some plants are also fading . The De Caen poppy is a wonderful early bloomer. When everything else was still battling the elements, she was coming to life. Even the end of her flowers are spectacular!

Now that everything’s growing well, it’s time to do some tending! With things so busy my much-loved garden often goes untended. I am so grateful that despite the overgrowth, the beauty remains. Thank you, little Vinca, for the reminder.

May 21, 2018

Studio Diary: A Snapshot of My Creative Life

Studio Diary: May 21, 2018

Dance: I feel like I haven’t written at all about the amazing experience that I am having with Le Grand Continental in Toronto. I’m now in rehearsals 3 days a week as we move towards performing at Luminato. (The video is from Portland but I wanted to share it because it includes our choreographer, Sylvain Émard.) I am so glad that I braved auditioning.

I do feel like we’re moving into that “this is getting real” stage when all the inner demons come out to play. We start with the discomfort of the unknown countered with the excitement of possibility and new beginnings.

Then we get a little more comfortable and excited about learning something new and being a part of something amazing. At this stage, every success and challenge holds great weight. Our inner voice yells, “Look, I can still dance. i’m doing it!!” and “Omg, I’m messing up everything. What was I thinking? I’ll never remember all of this.” At this point, we dive in deeper or start to detach. Perhaps the direction we choose depends on which voice we believe the most.

For those of us who dove in deeper, we started working harder, building our strength, renewing our confidence or we decided to remember that we’re doing this for fun and stopped taking it so dang seriously.

Now we enter the stage when we really start to understand there will be an audience. The training wheels are coming off. The rehearsal director us giving us less clues and we must start to find our own way and recover from our missteps. The show must go on.

Last rehearsal I found myself fraught with emotions. I have no idea why. I just felt sensitive about everything. Once again I realized the gift that meditation has given me. For the first time, I aware of experiencing myself as separate from those emotions. I chose to acknowledge and honour them while bringing my focus onto the choreography – just like watching my thoughts and coming back to my breathing. Afterwards I took it to my journal, giving myself time to experience and process all that had been stirred up by that day of dance.

Collage: The Collage Techniques of Anne Marie Grgich has wrapped up but I am still working on my two collages – the red and the yellow. I have loved learning from Anne. She is generous with her teaching, sharing the processes she has honed over years. I haven’t come close to experimenting with all of the materials that she used but have gained so much by seeing the possibilities. i feel like I have stepped through a door into a much bigger room of what collage can be.

And that is perhaps why I am so frustrated that my pieces are still sitting on the kitchen table waiting for attention. They’ll need to move forward and/or be put away by next weekend as the seasonal Studio Yearbook packaging party begins! I have a demanding week so I’m not sure that I’ll get any time for them, though maybe on this holiday Monday I will sneak some in.

I’m also not sure whether the red piece is ready for completion. I love it as it is right now, so that’s an argument for “yes” but I also know that as a creative I have a tendency to stop when I “get it”, which isn’t necessarily the same place that is required to transmit the message to the viewer. I’ve asked for feedback in the class.

The Studio Yearbook & Ephemera: This week was the big launch of the summer Studio Yearbook. Now we move into production mode, including having a wonderful time gathering some ephemera for the First 100. On Friday, Shannon, Suzie and I went to Value Village to look for some treasures and spent the evening watching Netflix together and cutting up pages to find little bits of delight to share. This is something I could do all day!

The Studio Kittens: After a spell of throwing up and a trip to the vet, Escher seems to be doing better. We tried several things and are not 100% sure which it was that tipped the balance but we are delighted that his tummy has settled. We’re also thankful that we were able to make this vet trip his yearly medical because picking him up and getting him into a carrier is quite a challenge!

Shibumi also ended up at the vet this week after getting some irritation in her eye. We have drops but thankfully it seems to have settled on its own. We are glad that we had the chance to turn the outing into her regular check-up. Other than being a bit… well… shall we say, “sturdy,” and the issue with the eye, she’s doing great. She’s bit of a bruiser this one.

May 9, 2018

Find Inspiration: Yayoi Kusama at the Art Gallery of Ontario

I was lucky enough to get 2 ticket to the hottest show in town – Yayoi Kusama’s Infinity Mirrors at the Art Gallery of Ontario. It wasn’t easy. I tried to get a second set with no luck at all. Every time they’d release a new block of tickets, I’d be right there at the computer, poised and waiting. The gates would open and I’d immediately be 18,725th in line!

Something in this artist’s work creates that kind of a response. Toronto is clearly embracing Kusama’s world of repetition, dots and infinity rooms.

This exhibit features 8 infinity rooms, most of which are white boxes with a single door, giving you no sign of what lies within. You wait in line, sometimes for 20 minutes, for a 20-second experience in the room. Here’s Justin and I experiencing Phalli’s Field (1965/2016). All of those polka dots can’t help but make you smile. This field of soft sculptures is reminiscent of some friendly muppet-like world, which becomes rather odd when you learn that Kusama called this “a sublime, miraculous field of phalluses.”

I first learned of Yayoi Kusama’s work through the In the In Studio Series from the Museum of Modern Art (which, by the way, I can’t recommend highly enough). In How to Paint like Yayoi Kusama, instructor Corey D’Augustine teaches how to create an infinity net. The process piqued my curiousity and I immediately followed along. It was immersive and engaging. I loved it.

It made it all the more exciting to see several of Kusama’s Infinity Net paintings at the exhibit. This is a closeup of one. It gives you a sense of the effect of the work.

Everything that Yayoi Kusama does seems to be just about to break out of the frame, overgrow the room, defy limitation. It feels like if you close your eyes, even for an instant, everything will have multiplied by the time you open them again!

During the exhibit, this short film was showing but there were also notes that you could access it online through your phone while waiting – smart strategy! This, combined with the freedom to take pictures, even within the rooms, gave a great sense of freedom and expansion, like the show itself was able to reach far beyond the bounds of the gallery.

When they told us we’d only get 20 seconds in each Infinity Room, it was a bit of a shock. How could we wait all that time for just a few seconds of experience? Would it be worth it? As we stepped into the glow of Aftermath of Obliteration of Eternity, I knew immediately the answer was yes. Though the beauty of this room made me want to stay forever, the truth is it takes only an instant for the work to give you all it has. With a gasp, you are immersed. The experience is immediate and visceral. This brief moment may well be my favourite art experience of all time. I will carry it with me always.

Oh, the whimsy of a room filled with pink, balls, and polka dots! Once again, you just can’t help but smile.

There was virtually no lineup as we walked into Dots Obsession: Love Transformed into Dots, and that gave a wonderful sense of peace and ease, a welcome breath as we moved forward in the exhibit.

What totally different energy exuded from Love Forever (1966/1994). Justin and I stood on opposite sides of a white box and peered in to discover this amazing view! What fun! (Though I was afraid I was going to drop my phone in!)

Justin and I had rather different views of The Souls of Millions of Light Years Away (2013). He felt it was so similar to Aftermath of Obliteration of Eternity that he couldn’t help but compare and preferred the former. For me, it was the difference between sparkle and glow, the energy of a quick intake of breath and standing up straighter versus a deep exhale and letting go.

There was only one Infinity Room in which photos were not allowed: All the Eternal Love I Have for the Pumpkins (2016). Doesn’t the title itself take you someplace? I asked why no photography and was told it was at the request of the artist. You can sneak a peek into the room at the AGO’s website.

The sculpture Life (Repetitive Vision) (1998) can at least give you a taste of the golden pumpkin colour that Yayoi Kusama clearly delights in.

In addition to the Infinity Rooms, there were paintings, collage pieces and sculptures by the artist as well as some wonderful photographs of her and her work throughout her career. I was particularly fond of Self-Obliteration by Dots.

And speaking of obliteration, the show concludes with The Obliteration Room (2002-present, installed 2018), which was fascinating. As you enter, your group is given a sheet of round stickers and the instructions to place each of the dots wherever you like. We were to use them entirely, not a dot was to leave the room. It was hard not to save one for my journal!! But if I had taken it it, then there would be a way that the work would not be complete and I couldn’t do that.

When the exhibit began, this room was entirely white but you can see how much colour has already been added. Only as you witness pieces that have been strongly covered do you start to understand the title of The Obliteration Room. As each item is covered with dots, it literally begins to disappear from view. It was fascinating to see – or not see.

The Infinity Room exhibit delighted and inspired me. I only wish that I had been able to get more tickets so I could share the experience with more of my loved ones. I couldn’t be happier that I am able to share the journey with you.

April 29, 2018

Studio Diary: Collage Class & Book Ends

Collage is one of my favourite mediums and I love expanding the way that I think about it, exploring new techniques and approaches. That’s why I signed up for The Collage Techniques of Anne Marie Grgich from Carla Sonheim Presents. (Oh, you know how I love Carla!)

Over the past week I have had a fabulous time engaging in this class. It even inspired a creative outing with my sisters.

The class suggests books as collage materials and so we took an outing to Book Ends, the Toronto Public Library’s used book store at the Reference Library. (There is another location in North York.) I have so many fond memories of this library! When I was in high school, I would sometimes (often) skip a day in favour of working on assignments here. I would pick a spot and set up shop, taking my boots off and surrounding myself with books. I would occasionally slip out for a coffee but I was soon back and working.

Shannon, Suzie and I had a wonderful time going through the books. Not surprisingly, Suzie came home with a few food books and Shannon spent precisely her budget on quite a range of choices! I found some beautiful books in the art, travel and garden sections. (Again, no surprise, lol. We are who we are!)

After acquiring the books, it was time to harvest images. I know, we book lovers find it hard for to cut, tear, break apart a book. It just feels wrong somehow! Over the years I have become more comfortable with it, especially when using secondhand materials. It sometimes feels like giving work a new life and I feel such love for each of the pieces I use and gratitude towards the book itself. I have made peace with it.

Next it was time to start putting a layer of collage on our canvas. I chose to work with a wood support because I find it so much easier for applying some pressure to smooth out the images. I use a linen cloth to do that, rubbing it down in the hopes of avoiding air bubbles. I’m only ever partially successful. I think every collage artist works to find the secret of smooth, well-adhered images.

Some lessons I’ve learned:

Be liberal with glue stick. If pockets form, it’s almost certainly because you missed a spot.
Consider using glue stick on the back of the piece and also on the support.
Whether you’re using glue stick or gel medium, smooth down each piece as you go. Use a bone folder, a credit card, a cloth or your fingers. (Only use the cloth with drier adhesive)
I’m experimenting with Yes paste. I didn’t enjoy the process as much with the Yes paste but I definitely feel my images lay flatter.
Let your glue dry overnight before using gel medium overtop.
Gel medium will impact the look of your work so stay unattached or don’t use it.

Usually with a piece this big I work at the kitchen table but I really wanted to be in my studio space. I did move downstairs for applying gel medium overtop.

It wasn’t tremendously successful. One strategy for removing bubbles is to use an Xacto knife to cut them open and then get some medium underneath and smooth it down. Our process uses such thick medium, that I didn’t find it successful. I did feel motivated to keep working on getting things smoother so I did a second collage using Yes paste as the adhesive. It was a bit more successful and now I have two collage pieces to work with for class.

April 28, 2018

My Studio Diaries Are Back

Jamie in a Beret

A couple of years ago, I started a series on my blog called Studio Diaries. It was a way of capturing and sharing the experiences, moments and insights of my creative life. (As I say that, it strikes me that it was also the beginning of the Studio Yearbook!!) Also, I missed blogging as a creative outlet, as a free and open space to follow my muse, a welcoming home for the wild stream of ‘stuff’ that consistently wants to pour out of my creative heart. I thought it would be a way of sharing possibilities, resources and learnings – plus a little bit more of me and my creative life.

I let it go for a variety of reasons, from someone telling me they didn’t love the series to feeling conflicted about whether to share my own unfiltered process at the studio blog. A Studio Principle helped me decide to give it another go.

A Studio Principle convinced me to give it another go.

Studio Principle: There is room for you.

That phrase dropped into my heart and took hold during a Nia class several years ago. The class was full and we were moving! Our teacher noticed that many of us were pulling back, reining ourselves in because of the crowd. She called out, “There’s room for you!”

I could’ve cried. I had never heard those words before: “There’s room for you.” I decided to believe her and danced.

So, here and now, I am deciding that there is room for me. I’m envisioning ‘Studio Diaries’ as my personal studio space within the Jamie Ridler Studios complex. It reminds me of the open studios at Harbourfront, here in Toronto. Artists go about their work and the public can walk by and gaze in. They might catch someone firing some glass, assembling jewellery or eating their lunch It is at one time both demystifying and inspiring. I hope that will be the case here.

My Studio Diaries will be irregular, unedited and unabridged. They will be just like a diary, the wild and true inner workings of my creative heart.

April 4, 2018

Planning on Paper at Gotamago

Recently I attended a Planning on Paper workshop with Kat Akerfeldt of Toronto’s First Post Office held at Gotamago in Toronto. I was excited by the workshop’s focus on planning, particularly Bullet Journaling, and delighted to attend something in my neighbourhood. The sun streaming in through a big beautiful window on a very cold day was a lovely welcome into this creative space.

The front of the building is a lovely shop with all sorts of printed treasures. Just beyond the storefront are two big tables, which were covered with a generous supply of the kinds of things we journalers delight in – washi tape, stamps, stickers and pens plus a bowl of the best gluten-free cookies I have ever had! Clearly this was going to be a great way to spend a Saturday afternoon!

To lay the foundations of planning on paper, Kat introduced us to three planning on paper systems: Getting Things Done by David Allen, Strikethru and Bullet Journaling. I was particularly curious about the power and simplicity of the Bullet Journal.

Kat explained the basic concepts and showed an incredible array of slides demonstrating how people individualize their calendars, lists and to-do’s. In one bullet journal, reading goals are turned into a beautiful page of hand-drawn books, each with space to write titles on the spines once a book is read. In another, Mason jar stamps become the perfect spot for weekly grocery lists or meal planning. When it comes to habit trackers, the volume and variety seem infinite!

At the end of the workshop, we were given time to actually create our Bullet Journal and, I must admit, I was at a loss. Cat was wonderfully approachable and we talked more about the core structure and why she has found it so useful. When I went home I visited Ryder Carroll’s site (the inventor of the Bullet Journal) and went through his introduction to the process, following along step-by-step on paper. That was just what I needed to ground myself in the process and the learning.

As I explored the Bullet Journal structure, I noticed right away that there were things that wouldn’t work for me, like the monthly layout, which just doesn’t fit with my visual logic. There were also things that would be very helpful to me, like having collections for all sorts of projects in one place. I was excited to find that I could also integrate my own process of weekly grid planning, which is great because if something is working, keep it working!

All in all, I am glad that Cat Akerfeldt and Gotamago introduced me to both the world of bullet journaling and a beautiful neighbourhood shop. I’ll look forward to many more shared adventures. In fact, I’m heading back as soon as they restock their owl stickers! Somebody snapped them all up before I got a chance to!

What systems do you use for planning? What helps you get stuff done?

Note: In Toronto? Check out Gotamago. Find out more about their upcoming paper-oriented workshops here.

March 28, 2018

The Power of Getting Uncomfortable

One of the things we often look for in our creative lives is a sense of ease and flow. When things click into place or synchronicity appears, we get that wonderful reinforcement that we are in the right place, doing the right thing and all is well.

But here’s a wild thought. Sometimes when things are uncomfortable and hard, we are also in the right place, doing the right thing. Not always. But sometimes.

Does that ring true to you?

Can you think of a time when everything was hard and uncomfortable and you were on the wrong road? What did it feel like? How did you know the road was ultimately not for you?

Now, can you think of a time when the path was hard and uncomfortable but still, you knew you were on the right path? What did that feel like? How did you know that despite it being difficult, it was right for you?

Answering these questions will help you hone your discernment, a powerful ally when choosing whether to brave the discomfort or walk away.

This topic is on my mind because this week I had two experiences of the latter, choosing to stay with the discomfort in order to get to something wonderful, and it was so rewarding!

First, I had the opportunity to be a part of an amazing event. The choir I sing with was invited by NBC to create two performance videos in support of their upcoming live Easter event: Jesus Christ Superstar. I signed up immediately since my sisters and I have been singing this musical for as long as I can remember (and my brother endured!) This week, not only did we get to belt out these tunes like we were making a rock video but we sang along with Swedish Idol winner Erik Gronwall while holding him up as he body surfed the crowd! We also sang with Brandon Victor Dixon, Tony nominee and star of Hamilton, who blew the roof off the Great Hall! After his rendition of Superstar, literally everyone around us was saying, “Oh, my god.” “Oh, my god.” “Oh, my god.” He took our breath away! I wish I’d been able to take pictures or video to share with you but the whole production is under wraps. I’ll share more as soon as anything is released!

I would never have had that phenomenal experience if I hadn’t waded through the deep discomfort of going to choir in the first place. In the Reading Nook, I share the story of Braving the Road to Belonging and what helped me finally go and sing. I hope it inspires you to brave your own discomfort in service of what calls.

My second opportunity to get uncomfortable came on the heels of this singing event. Last week I came down with a wicked cold, which is why there were no new Behind the Scenes episodes – my voice was gone! Despite being under the weather, I followed through on a commitment I had made: a dance audition. Yep. I said it. I went to a dance audition. Dance is my first love but I thought my days of performance and auditions were long (long) behind me. Still, when the opportunity called, I answered. Was it uncomfortable? I tried not to think about it! What happened? I wrote a post about it here.

Sometimes everything comes together and the Universe clears the way. When that happens, let’s embrace the gift and celebrate! Let’s enjoy the grace and be rich with gratitude! But let’s not make the mistake of believing it must always be that way. Let’s not wait until the road is easy, free and clear because we may be waiting a long, long time.

Sometimes the Universe issues a challenging invitation because she is beckoning us to grow. She wants us to unfurl into an even deeper expression of who we are and to learn what we are capable of. As creatives we do that beautifully through creating.

I invite you to explore the question of when discomfort and difficulty is a sign to stop and when it is an opportunity to grow. Ask yourself, “How do I know the difference?” Draw on your life experience. Discover your own wisdom. This is not a simple question but it’s a powerful one and worthy of contemplation.

If in your exploration you start to notice something you’ve been aching for or dreaming of, something that is just on the other side of a bit of bravery and effort, something that feels like a yes, even though it’s hard, make a move. You might just be on to something wonderful.