With Valentine’s Day just behind us, I find myself still thinking about the power and importance of intimacy. I heard a fascinating report on CBC radio about a study in the psychology of falling in love in which strangers were given a list of increasingly intimate questions to ask one another and the  resulting closeness was measured.

Discovering more and more about one another is a key way that we human beings create intimacy. It’s a part of the joy of new relationships, actively getting to know this beautiful human being in front of you and also actively being discovered. What a glorious experience to see and be seen!

What happens when this delightful period of discovery and increasing closeness have to come to an end? What happens as time goes on and we know a lot about our loved ones, partners, friends and family?

One of the ways that we can keep that energy of discovery alive is to share new experiences. As you discover more about the world, whether through trying a new food, learning a new skill or traveling to a new country, you discover more about yourself and one another.

I certainly found this recently when for my birthday Justin and I decided to take ballroom dance classes. As we tentatively tried the tango and learned the rhythms of rumba, we saw new expressions of one another and of ourselves. It’s that latter part that I want to focus on today.

All of these brilliant explorations of intimacy apply not only to our relationships with others but also to our relationship with ourselves.

When we take ourselves for granted, when we stop exploring, when we no longer wonder about our hearts or get curious about our thoughts, when we’ve solidified into a worldview and a “this is the way I am” attitude, we lose intimacy with our selves. We start making choices and doing things based on habit, on a memory of who we were the last time we checked. We lose our connection to the present moment and to the person we are right here today, not to mention the possibility of who we might become.

Today I want to recommend three creative living activities that will enhance your sense of self-intimacy, three activities that will keep you connected to who you are.

1. Journaling

Journaling is like having a conversation with yourself. It allows you to get the thoughts, feelings, words and ideas out of your head and onto the page. Something magical happens in that physical distance. As our words travel outside ourselves, we see them in a brand new way. We start to hear our own voice and recognize what is in our heart.

Here are a couple of tips to get you started. To bypass your busy brain, keep the pen moving. Give yourself a certain amount of pages (e.g. 3) or a certain amount of time (e.g. 10 minutes) and let that pen dance, non-stop, the entire time. Just let the words flow, even if all you can write is, “I don’t know what to write. I don’t know what to write. I’m tired. I don’t know what to write.” It’s like scribbling a pen along the page until the ink flows smoothly.

It’s also great to work with journal questions. In fact, why not answer the questions that were used in the survey to make a start? You can also make up your own journal prompts.  Anything’s fair game. Answer interview questions you see in magazines. Think about what you’d want to know about someone or what you wish someone would ask you. What do you remember about grade 3? Who do you take after in your family? What are you loving right now? What’s annoying you these days? What dream have you never told anyone? How do you imagine yourself in 2020?

When I ask people about their creative practices, journaling tops the list. It’s a powerful tool for self-reflection, self-expression and self-discovery.

2. Dreamboarding

Where journals work with words, dreamboards work with images. The simple act of choosing images out of magazines, cutting them out and gluing them onto Bristol board or into a journal can be transformative. Right before your eyes you’ll start to see what you love. And the power of this practice grows when you do it regularly. Over time you start to see trends, shifts and developments in the colours you choose, the moods that show up, the places, the objects, the symbols, the people. Your dreamboards reflect you – your taste, your aspirations, your preoccupations – back to you.

And just like the intimacy questions grew ever more personal, you may find the messages from your images get deeper and deeper. In the beginning you nay find yourself choosing images that are steeped in the familiar: “Oh, yes, I love white kitchens. I’ve always wanted a manual typewriter. Ah…. Paris… when will I get there?” Then gently, almost imperceptibly, you find yourself in new territory.  Your choices may even surprise you and when they do, you are learning something new about yourself: “Since when am I interested in calligraphy? What’s that horse doing there? What about this old woman in Peru? Why there? Why her?”

Dreamboards are a powerful way of using images to connect to your heart and to discover what it’s yearning for.

(And, by the way, if this sounds appealing to you, check out the Year of Dreams series. I offer monthly dreamboard workshops designed to take you on a fresh journey under each of the full moons of the year.)

3. Artist’s Dates

Words and images are both powerful tools of creative connection. This last tool I want to recommend is experiential.

Artist Dates are a core creative practice recommended by Julia Cameron in The Artist’s Way. They are solo adventures, well-filling outings that you go on by yourself. You may take yourself on a walk, to a coffee shop, a gallery, the library, the movies – anywhere that nourishes your creative heart.

Often people are resistant to going on these adventures by themselves by the gift in doing so is being able to be 100% in your own experience, to sense your own honest reaction to whatever it is you encounter, to be present to yourself and the moment. And if you allow yourself to experience something new, if you try a new teahouse, a new neighbourhood, a new class, a new food, a new adventure, it will also bring out something new in you. You will have the opportunity to experience yourself in a fresh and new way. And that is a part of what keeps intimacy alive.

Try one two or all of these practices to stay connected to your heart and your ever-evolving self.

 

We creative types tend to have an optimistic streak.

I’m not talking about an eternally sunny disposition (Even I don’t have that and I’m sunny by nature!) I’m also not talking about always looking on the bright side or never feeling hopeless, exhausted or like throwing in the towel.

What I mean is that we have something inside ourselves that responds creatively to whatever comes our way. We naturally engage. We want to make it better, to make it work, to figure it out.

That tendency serves us in all sorts of amazing ways. We can make the best of a situation. We can make the most out of what we have. We can find solutions. We can create beauty. We can turn a challenge into an opportunity – almost always.

And…

This creative optimism can sometimes get in our way.

We can stick it out too long. We can bang our heads against a brick wall (repeatedly). We can invest our energy, time, love, heart, money, smarts and creative fire into a ship that’s sinking. It’s not in our nature to give up! We come at it from another angle. We try a fresh approach. We journal it out, chat it out, plan it out. We read how other people do it. We’re resourceful and determined and we figure that A-effort should yield A-results.

And when it doesn’t, we look for the problem within ourselves. There should be a solution, a way to work this out, and if we can’t find it, then the flaw must be our own. This gives our inner critic powerful proof that we’re incapable, that we’re not smart enough, strong enough, popular enough, blessed enough, what have you.

But sometimes a brick wall is just a brick wall.

Sometimes we’re trying to change something that doesn’t want to be changed – and that includes other people. This is when the creative impulse has turned into a tool of destruction and when we recognize this point of transition, we’ll know when to take our foot off the gas.

So, how do we tune into that awareness?

How do we know when we’re putting in the hard work of creating something magnificent and when are we spinning our wheels?

First, look at is the energetic difference.

Draw on your personal experience. What is an example of a time when you put in deep effort to bring something you truly wanted to life? When was a time when you were wholeheartedly fighting against the tide?

What felt different?

For me, the energetic difference feels like two kinds of tired. The first kind is when I’ve shown up to the day and put my heart into it, along with lots of elbow grease. I feel like I’ve lived, like I’ve done something. On those days, I can let myself be tired and sink into bed with a sense of ease and have a good night’s sleep. The other kind of tired shows up when I’m straining, struggling and second-guessing. It’s the exhaustion of pacing a room not going for a run. If I’m mentally frazzled and physically frayed, there’s a good bet that I’ve moved from creative optimism to destructive insistence.

It’s the difference between being “spent” and being “beat.”

That relentless fire of determination can be destructive not only to ourselves but also to others. This happens when our desire to create turns into a drive to impose our will on someone else. Instead of respecting their sovereignty, we try to make them change and fit into our vision. Sometimes we do this for “their own good” and sometimes for our own.

But other people are not here to fill the roles in our scripts, just as we are not here to mould ourselves into someone else’s vision of mother, daughter, lover, friend, writer, singer, dancer, artist. And if you’ve ever tried to do that, you know how destructive it can be.

It’s creative when we’re expanding definitions, when we’re getting stronger, when we’re bringing something to life.

It’s destructive when we’re constrictive, when we’re using force, when we’re being hurt and/or hurtful, when we’re sucking the life out of something,

It’s not always easy to tell the difference but it is easy to explore the question. Start paying attention. When the work is hard, ask yourself, “Is this effort creative or destructive? What am I helping or harming here?”

And here’s something important to know – sometimes it will be destructive and you will choose to keep going.

Sometimes destruction is necessary in order to make room for creation. Sometimes relationships, preconceptions and old stories break under the strain – and, painful as that may be, that can be a good and helpful thing.

And sometimes you may choose, with full awareness and your whole heart, to fight against the tide. You may decide that it is a noble and beautiful use of your life. Great change has happened because people have stood up and given all their strength to move what appeared to be immovable mountains.

What I want for you is the ability to choose, the wisdom and discernment to pick up the right tool, to wave your wand of creation or destruction with awareness and intent.

What I don’t want for you is the tragic and unrelenting pain of believing you are creating while all around you the walls are tumbling down.

You have magic in you. Wield it well.

 

As I work through my transformational tidy-up, going through everything I own, I definitely notice the truth in the old saying, “It gets worse before it gets better.” That certainly was the case when I did my Studio Refresh, both online and off (pictured above).  Finding my way through the overwhelm has led to some beautiful results and reminded me of just how much I am capable of.

Overwhelm can show up in so many ways at so many junctures and it can shut us down. It’s like our circuits get flooded and we just kaput. How do we find our way through without pushing our way through, which so many of us have tried and so many of us have paid for.

When does overwhelm show up?

On a practical level, overwhelm appears when there is a disconnect between what we feel needs to be done and the resources we have to meet the task(s) at hand. When the demands are greater than the time, money, energy or emotional capacity we have, we get overwhelmed.

One of the things that can be surprising and discouraging, even distressing, is when overwhelm shows up around something you love.

You’re invited to a party or out to dinner and you’re looking forward to it until the day or the hours before when suddenly you find yourself overcome with dread. What do I wear? What do I say? What do I do? How do I get there? What if I don’t know anyone? What if I don’t like anyone? What if they don’t like me?

Or you finally sit down to create some art and are hit by a wave of unexpected emotion. What the heck?! I thought this was going to be fun! Where are these tears coming from? I don’t know what to do or where to start! I’m finally creating and I hate what’s coming out of my fingertips!

When that happens, our natural protective instinct is to “Shut it down. Shut it all down!” (Think C3P0 stopping all the trash compactors!)

How do we respect the truth of where we are in this moment while moving towards what we love and desire? How do we deal with overwhelm?

Strategies for Facing Overwhelm

As conscious creatives, we can actively respond to overwhelm. We can show up like actors doing improv, seeing what is offered up to us and responding lithely to what’s present.

Stop

The first thing to do is to stop. Just stop. Stop the autopilot. Stop the habitual response. Stop the whirling dervish. Let the world slow down for a minute.

Take a Moment

There is time for you to take a moment, to feel your feet on the ground, to come back to yourself instead of being caught up in the tornado. Take a moment. Breathe.

Move

Then move. Move away from what you’re doing, even if it’s just getting up out of your chair and walking down the hall and back. Changing your environment changes your perspective. Moving your body helps the built-up energy release and pass through you and that will help you function well and think clearly. Often just going for a quick walk can shift something, clear something, open something. There is magic in movement.

Pour the Chaos Out

Next, sit down with a piece of paper and pour all of the chaos onto the page. Pour out everything that’s coming up, every idea that’s niggling at you, every to-do that’s asking for your attention. Let the page hold the work. You don’t have to hold it all. Once these things have their due on the page, they can stop nagging you for attention. They won’t be forgotten so they don’t need to keep reminding you that they’re there.

What’s Next?

Now that you’re a bit more grounded and you’ve cleared your energy and your mind, come back to the task.

What’s the next step?

Maybe the next step is a baby step, something small and simple and easily achieved.

Maybe the next step is the one that’s stressing you the most. With it out of the way, you’ll be able to relax.

Maybe the next step is the one you have time for.

You don’t have to figure it all out. Just the next step.

Take a Step

Next (you know what I’m going to say, don’t you?), take the step.

It is a powerful grounding practice to end the cycle of overwhelm with an action, no matter how big or how small. It grounds you and builds your confidence when each interaction with the whirlwind of overwhelm ends with you moving forward.

I know you can do it.

Recuperate

There’s one more step in this dance with overwhelm: the pause. Take time to recuperate. Listen to a song you love. Spend 3 minutes looking out your window. Chat with a friend. Make a cup of tea. Yes, stop and smell the roses.

It’s a big deal to face the challenges in our creative lives and to do so with awareness and intention. Taking a few minutes to refill our well will give us more resources to draw on the next time our life demands something of us. Resting and recuperating is a part of the work.

 

One of the principles here in the studio is to start where you are with what you have. You don’t have to wait “until”, until you have time, until you have more money, until someone gives you permission, until you’re older, until your kids are grown, until your partner gets it, until you leave your day job.

Whatever it is that’s in your heart, start where you are with what you have.

Want to tap into your artistic self? Grab a pen and some paper. Use your kids’ crayons. Dance to the radio. Sing along too. Try a new recipe for dinner. Collage with the flyers that come to your door. Watch videos on YouTube. Get great books from the library. That’s the beginning – and I want you to know it doesn’t stop there.

Let me tell you about a coaching call I had that made me so angry, one where I was the client. Even though it was a horrible coaching call it ultimately changed my life for the better.

One day I walked by this extraordinary yoga studio here in Toronto. It was in an upscale neighbourhood and was completely aspirational to me. I literally stopped in my tracks, my heart filled with longing as I stared through the huge picture window at the spaciousness, the hardwood floors, the white walls, the sparkling chandeliers. I wanted this. Yes, this. This was my vision of a studio. How would I ever make it happen?

This was a perfect topic to bring to a coaching call! And so I did. I shared my heart, my vision, the depth of my hunger and desire, to which the coach said, “Jamie, you know, you can create beauty in your life right now. Go cut some flowers from the garden and you’d be amazed at the difference that can make!”

I was LIVID.

I could have dropped the F-bomb and you know I say things like “Holy Noodle” and “Fuzzy Bunnies.” (Well, mostly)

Of course I knew that I could make beauty every day with what was readily around me. I’d been doing that for years. I knew what it was to make a beautiful side table with an upside down cardboard box and a piece of $1 fabric bought from Goodwill.

That next step was not my next step. It was actually taking me backwards not forwards. And it was my anger that let me know. Suddenly words tumbled out of my mouth and I stood up for my desire. I took a stand for my right to dream big – a stand I take for you too.

So, please hear what I am NOT I am saying to you.

I am not saying settle.

I am not saying make do.

I’m not suggesting you dream smaller.

What I am suggesting is:

Start where you are.

If you haven’t drawn or doodled or danced or journaled for years and you’re aching to, start where you are.

If you’ve been creative for decades and now want to make a living with your creations, start where you are.

If you’re aching to get out of your day job, start where you are.

If you have your version of a chandelier-lit wood floor studio, start where you are.

Every journey starts with the first step. Point yourself in what you think is the right direction and take it. Take whatever next step is available.
Make that phone call. Send that letter. Have that discussion. Invest $10. Invest $10,000. Invest your heart. Take the day off and go to training. Work over-time and save for it. Put a flyer up in the grocery store. Put an ad on Kijiji. Volunteer. Write a page. Take a picture. Submit a picture. Ask.

Look at where you are. Look at what you want. Take a step.

You can do it!

(Note: This piece is excerpted from this podcast)

Recently I’ve received a lot of questions about creative living and the day job. Maybe it’s because after the holidays everyone’s back into their regular routine and feeling it. I have a lot that I want to share about what it means to live a creative life while being in our regular jobs but I want to start the exploration from a bit of a different angle: creative entrepreneurship. I want to start there because it seems like these two concepts have become inextricably linked.

It’s as though creative entrepreneurship is the light and the day job is the shadow – but that’s not the whole picture.

If it’s right for you, creative entrepreneurship is gorgeous, inspiring and deeply fulfilling. It’s also gruelling and heart-breaking and brave.

Creative Entrepreneurship: The Myth & The Beauty

There’s a powerful myth being shared again and again and again (and by “myth” I mean a powerful story that represents something compelling in our collective unconscious) and that is the story of the creative entrepreneur. It tells of a stifled, creative soul who works in a dreary unsatisfying world of grey, longing beyond longing to strike out on her own, to pull all the colourful threads in her heart out into the world so she can weave them into a magnificent tapestry and share them with the world.

This part of the story is profoundly familiar. It has the ring of truth because it is our story. We are creative souls. We have experienced being stifled. We know what it is to live in a world of grey when our hearts beat in full colour. Yes, this is who we are and this is our longing.

And so we want to know, what happens to this creative soul? What’s next in her story (and our own)? How does she come to share her creative heart? In our current landscape the story is that she becomes a creative entrepreneur.

I love the story of the creative entrepreneur. I’ve lived it. I help other people to live it. But I often think that in the popular telling of this myth, the tale  has lost its teeth. Instead of the creative spirit becoming a hero who goes through trials and tests in the service of her quest, facing losses, victories and dragons along the way, all the while becoming stronger, all the while becoming who she is meant to be, instead she becomes a Disney princess.

In that version of the story, the creative entrepreneur tucks herself away in her castle, delighting in creative pursuits, every now and then dipping her toe into the pool of the world, offering a rare and precious gift she’s created which is embraced immediately and enthusiastically by her people who then shower her with love and abundance so she can remain happily ever after playing, imagining, creating and Instagramming it all.

No wonder we all want to do that! No wonder we get it in our hearts that this day job chains our soul, has us sorting peas like Cinderella! But one day, if we’re good, someone will see that we’re special and we’ll go to the ball, right?…..Right?

Trust me, I’m not denigrating this story. I love this version of the story. I love immersing myself in its magic, particularly on Pinterest and in Stampington & Company magazines! It’s the story of our longing and our dreams and it is beautiful.

Creative Entrepreneurship: The Myth & The Heartbreak

But it can also be pernicious.

We start to believe that if everything isn’t magical and shiny and fast and abundant, than creative dreams aren’t for us.

We start to doubt ourselves, thinking, “Oh, maybe I’m not a creative soul after all. That glass slipper isn’t for me or people like me. It’s only for people like her.”

We sign up for program after program investing more dollars than we have in hopes that this teacher this time will be our fairy godmother and get us into the ball.

And even if they do, what a heartbreak to get there and discover not a Technicolor palace but instead the hard slog of endless work – some meaningful, some tedious, some frightening – that you may or may not get paid for.

Maybe that day job isn’t all shadow and creative entrepreneurship isn’t all shine.

I can tell you that in my story creative entrepreneurship has brought me much fulfilment and delight. My days are warmed by creative fire! I’m generating ideas, content and classes all the time. I am exploring, wondering and bringing things to life. I fill my days with writing, recording, books,  conversations, music, yarn, art and my camera. I believe deeply in the work and I know it makes a difference and that gives me a profound sense of meaning and purpose.

And…

I have also felt beaten down when I’ve failed – and that’s plenty of times. I’ve been exhausted by the workload, mortified by missteps and hurt by being left out and critical feedback. I’ve sobbed in desperation having no idea what to do next and felt so alone in having to decide. I’ve offered up my heart and had absolutely no response. I’ve had times when I’ve invested more money than I’ve made. I have worried, obsessively, about whether what I was doing was right or good or going to work at all.

I am not saying this to discourage you.

I’m not saying this to shatter entrepreneurial dreams. I believe in them – and in you – with my whole heart. I’m saying this to try, as best as I can, to tell the whole story, at least the Jamie version of it. Yours will be yours, whatever you choose to do.

I am saying this because here is what I know:

You are a heroic creative soul. And your story will not be like anyone else’s. Your story is your own and it must be lived and breathed and experienced and created by you. That is what creative living is all about.

Wherever you are, whatever you do, whatever your situation, creativity can be a breath of fresh air, an awakening whisper, a wild dance, a deep roar in your life and in you.

You can be creative every day because that’s your birth right. It is who you are and what you’re designed for. Discover the path that is right for YOU!

Live your own story.

On average, each of us gets 30,000 days in this lifetime. What would our lives be like if we loved up each and every one of them? Here are 10 tips for amping up our love for today.

1. Be Loving

Find the love in your heart and let it out. Tell your mom you love her. Leave your honey a love note. Kiss your kitty’s forehead. Say “Mmm, darling, I adore you” to your morning coffee. Express your love!

2. Stretch

I mean this literally and figuratively. Wake up and stretch from your fingertips to your toes. Let out a big stretching groan. Stretch into new territory. Say yes. Say no! Ask the first question. Ask for that raise. Stretch yourself each day and feel your courage grow.

3. Embrace the Weather

If it’s rainy today, give yourself 5 extra minutes to lie in bed and listen to the rain. If it’s cold, pull out your favourite sweater and get cozy. If it’s hot, turn your face towards the sun and beam right back at it.

4. Be yourself

Leave behind what you’ve made up about who you have to be to play the roles that you take on each day. Show up at work as yourself. Arrive at dinner as you are. Share what you think. Wear something you love. Be true to you.

5. Smile

Smiling relaxes your body and improves your mood. It can start on the outside and travel in. It can be viral and spread beyond you. Get brazen about smiling and see what happens. Smile at the bank teller, your mailman, your boss. Smile at that cutie walking down the street. Remember that old saying, “Smile and they’ll wonder what you’re up to.”

6. Reach out to someone you miss

Most of us have people in our lives whom we don’t connect to nearly enough. Reach out. Let them know you’re thinking of them. It can be as simple as picking up a beautiful postcard, scrawling “I miss you” in big purple letters and putting it in the mail.

7. Learn

Invite new thoughts and experiences into your day. Learn a new route home from work. Open the dictionary and find an unfamiliar word to play with. Figure out how to change your bike tire. Try cooking an artichoke. Expand your knowledge and grow.

8. Touch someone

Hug your kid. Put your arm around a friend. Soothe your aching feet by giving them a massage. Run your fingers through your hair. Add pleasure to your day through physical touch.

9. Practice acceptance

Some things (both little and big) challenge your ability to love your day. Someone cuts you off. You get fired. You get sick. Someone you love gets sick. Give the little things little energy. Attend to them and let them go. With bigger things, let yourself experience them. Let the world stop for a moment while you go ahead and be sad, hurt, disappointed, frightened. It may be uncomfortable or painful but this is a moment in your life – let it in.

10. Express gratitude

Give thanks in the moment and as you reflect back on your day. When you get a seat on the subway, say thank you to the powers that be. When the cashier hands you your change, say a warm thank you (throw in a smile and accomplish 2 things on this list!) Express gratitude for each thing that brought you joy, made life easier, gave you what you needed or ask for. And then before you go to bed write down at least 10 things you were thankful for today.

Now, wasn’t that a day worth loving?