From the emails and comments I’ve been receiving in response to our renovation, it is clear to me that so many of us are on a journey with our things and our spaces. Of course this makes sense. We creatives are sensitive to our environments, we have needs that are a little outside the norm and we value expressing ourselves in every aspect of our lives.

No wonder “home” is no small thing!

As we move forward in our renovation journey, my big progress this week has been with books. Oh, we do love books in our family! I had no idea that perhaps our love was a little intense until a mover came in to give us an estimate: “You sure have a lot of books, don’t you?”

Do we?

I really had no perspective. I mean, on my second birthday, my mom took me to the library to get my first library card.* Growing up, I had a spot on the side of my dresser for library books to be read and we had a spot on the top of the piano for library books that were to be returned. One of my first ‘businesses’ (I only put it in quotes because it was more like a non-profit) was setting up my own local library for neighbourhood kids.

Now, thanks to the mover’s off-the-cuff remark, I notice that we have bookcases in almost every room: the studio, 2 bookcases; Justin’s den, 3 bookcases, the bedroom, 2 bookcases; the living room, 2 bookcases; the kitchen, 1 bookcase; the guest room, 1 bookcase; the storage room, 1 bookcase – and every one of them full.

Okay, yes. We have a lot of books.

At a family get-together this past weekend I had the chance to ask my dad and my aunt how they downsized their collections. My Aunt Beth, a retired librarian, gave an answer that startled me, “Cutting is in a librarian’s DNA.”

What? Cutting? Not collecting?

As my aunt continued, it became clear that cutting is crucial to curating a great collection. A library only has the space that it has and so a part of the librarian’s job is to make sure that the space isn’t simply filled but that it is filled well.

Oh, now, there’s a thought. If the public library works within its spacial limitations when it comes to books, maybe it’s reasonable that I should too. What if instead of trying to make a home for ‘all the books’ (aka every book I have ever read, purchased or received), I made a home for…. well… now I’m stuck again. Which books should I make a home for?

I asked Aunt Beth what criteria libraries use to make their choices and was inspired by the clarity of her answer:

Condition: Is the book still in good shape? Is it damaged, dusty or otherwise shabby?
Content: Is the content still useful and relevant?
Circulation: Are people reading it?
So helpful! Even if these aren’t your criteria (for example, my dad said he wasn’t overly concerned about condition), the key here is having criteria.

As I considered these new ideas, curating my books started to appeal to me more and more. Suddenly I wasn’t feeling pressed and pressured to find a home for every single book. I also wasn’t feeling the need to declutter for the sake of decluttering. This wasn’t about being ruthlessly practical and austere.

Instead choosing which books to keep became an opportunity to create my own personal library. What would that look like? What subjects would I specalize in? What authors? What would I find most useful, inspiring and memorable? Is that my criteria? If not, what is? I’m still working that out and it feels like an act of creation, identity and love.

I also realize that this isn’t a one-and-done activity. Just like at the public library, the curation of my own collection of books will be an ongoing activity. This new-found approach is more like tending a garden than laying the stones of a building. I love that. Instead of building a dusty old collection of memories, my library can come alive and that’s just the kind of magic I loved in the books I read as a girl. Perfect.

What approach do you take with your books?
What criteria do you or would you use to curate your library?

One June 24th  I was deep in the final performance of Le Grand Continental, a 30-minute dance piece performed by over 200 dancers here in Toronto as a part of the Luminato arts festival. The photo above is a moment of sheer bliss during dress rehearsal. The show was an experience of a lifetime.

In a post-show conversation, the rehearsal director, Bonnie Kim, mentioned that it was too bad we hadn’t had time to hear everyone’s stories and I agreed. I know that in this photo alone each person has a tale to tell of their relationship with dance and what brought them to this moment. Here’s mine.

Dance is my first love. I remember as a small girl dancing tirelessly as my grandmother played piano. I remember in elementary school choreographing numbers for the friends in my neighbourhood and performing them in class. I remember summer acting classes that were ‘meh’ until the movement instructor arrived. I remember in high school going to Marjorie’s studio from 4:00 to 10:30 every weekday and teaching ‘the babies’ on Saturday mornings. I remember how, in my teenage years, I lived in unraveling grey leg warmers and a sweatshirt with sparkling letters that said, “Born to Dance.”

Though the love, passion and hard work were in me, I came to training late for a dancer. I was 15 before I took formal dance classes. I was also short, curvy and even though I spent hours soaking in a hot tub and wore pants that would warm my muscles and I stretched… stretched… and stretched…, I just wasn’t built with the extension that gives you Rockette kicks.

I may have been born to dance but, according to the world, I wasn’t built to be a dancer.

So, after high school, I let it go.

It broke my heart. If a magical creature had crossed my path and said, “Jamie, you can be a dancer but you will have to give up everything else – and I truly mean everything.” I would have said, “Yes,” without hesitation. Even so, I let it go. Without magical intervention, being a dancer just didn’t seem possible.

Instead I went to university to study English. Eventually, that turned into studying drama, which turned into studying theatre. I found myself on stage again but this time acting. Eventually people heard about my background and began to ask me to be their choreographer or movement director. I said yes. I always said yes. Dance found its way back to me.

Later, during one of the greatest transitional periods of my life, dance and I deepened our relationship once more. While in grad school, I left my long-time boyfriend. I stepped into my independence and onto the dance floor. I was out 6-nights a week clubbing with my sister Shannon. Night after night, I sweat my heart out on the dance floor. Night after night, I remembered who I was.

Since then, I have never forgotten that I am a dancer. it doesn’t matter that I am short and curvy and lack extension. It doesn’t matter now, that I am older. It doesn’t matter whether the professional world agrees or not. The profession does not have the power to mediate my relationship with dance unless I let it.

I wish I’d known that all those years ago.

I want you to know that now.

No one gets to stand between you and your art. That relationship is direct and pure and true.

Pick up your guitar or your paintbrush or your pen. Sing. Dance. Design.

Don’t spend one more moment separated from an art you love.

Don’t live one more moment not being who you truly are.

I am so thankful that I found the courage to participate in Le Grand Continental, that I was able to experience and express myself as a dancer this season. I am thankful for the vision of Sylvain Emard, who created a show that was open to all ages, sizes and levels of training, a show that comes to life in many communities and leaves a legacy of joy, hope and connection.

Perhaps even the professional world is discovering there is room for all of us on the dance floor.

Though it’s snowing in Toronto , it is technically spring and this is the season when everything comes to life, including you!

Here are 12 ways to slough off winter’s remains and ignite the aliveness within!

Clear & Close

1. Finish Off and Let Go

Are winter projects and to-dos hanging over you? Are you feeling overwhelmed by how much is dragging on and on and on? Give yourself the gift of a fresh start by making that final push to completion. Write a list of outstanding projects, calls and commitments. Where can you call it quits, say ‘good enough’ and/or consider yourself done? Are there items with flagging interest, unrealistic expectations or fuzzy priorities? Let them go.  Are there items that are sticky, messy and/or uncomfortable but that are also important? Do what you can to make it easier – ask for help, delegate, write a script, bring a buddy – and then get it done. You will feel so much better on the other side. Have a project so big that it’s going to continue through to spring? Acknowledge all that you have done and draw that ‘winter chapter’ to a close. Build on those successes this spring.

2. Clear Away What’s Done

With the fast pace of life today, we often dive into the next thing without completing what has gone before. We rush into the future, piling the new onto the old or unceremoniously pushing the done to the side, leaving piles of unfinished business and stuff all around. It’s chaotic and overwhelming! Instead, enjoy the beautiful ritual of clearing or putting away the complete. Wrapping up an art day by washing your brushes and bringing order to your space is a meditative gift. Tucking away heavy duvets, winter jackets and boots helps shift the energy from one season to the next. Clearing the garden and your life of all that is dead and dying gives the chance for the new and vibrant to take hold.

3. Get Fresh & Clean

When I was a kid, I never would have believed it but there is magic in cleaning and this is especially so in spring. Wash winter’s grime off those windows so you can see the world with a fresh view. Sweep last year’s dust from your doorstep and welcome in the new. Have a long, long shower, imagining all that is unneeded swirling down the drain as you emerge naked, fresh and clean, ready for what lies ahead.  Sparkle up your mirror and see today’s you.

4. Make Mental Space

As your schedule and space get free and clear, don’t forget to make space inside too. Journal out the load that is sitting on your shoulders and weighing on your heart. Take some time to chair and stare.  Breathe.  Meditate. Leave white space on your calendar. Close your eyes. Rest. Sleep.

Engage with Now

5. Get Outside

There is something about this time of year that is contagious – and I don’t mean the spring flu! When you are out in the world you can’t help but feel the earth coming to life all around you. I’m a city girl and still I can see the trees showing the hint of leaves and the foliage of crocuses, hyacinths, daffodils and tulips bursting through the ground. The air is different.  We don’t have to be super outdoorsy types to feel the way nature is coming alive. It’s wired into us. Step outside and she will help wake you up too!

6. Eat Good Food

One of the best things you can do to wake up your vitality is to feed that inner fire great fuel! What that means precisely is different for each of us but most of us can benefit from an infusion of nutrition-rich foods. I know my energy rises and falls in tandem with how many veggies I have on my plate! Pay attention to what foods bring you to life. Why not find one new nourishing meal to add to your meal plan this spring?

7. Move Your Body

Our bodies love to move, that’s why they get so frustrated with creaks and groans and aches!  They also sometimes forget! The less we’ve moved, the more they complain when we try to get started again. If you have had this conversation with your body, be gentle but persistent. It’s important that we each learn our own body’s way, that we find what works best for our health and well-being.  It might be gentle stretches. It might be power walking. It might be dancing. It might be training for a triathalon. Explore what is right for you. Be informed, get support and make movement a part of your spring.

8. Develop a Creative Practice

Creativity is by its very nature aliveness! This spring develop a creative practice that nourishes you, something that will become a regular part of your life. Write or journal for 15 minutes a day. Give yourself an hour to paint each week. Start your day with a dance or a poem. End your day with a song. More and more as your creativity comes to life, you will find yourself coming alive also.

Flourish

9. Try Something New

Experimenting is a great way to wake up! It shakes up our habits and takes us out of our comfort zone. Even that nervous adrenaline that comes with trying something new gives us a little zing! Learning, growing and change are great reminders that we are alive with possibility. We have not fossilized and do not need to stay stuck in the way things are or have been. As long as we are alive, new things are possible.

10. Inspiration Practice

Develop an active practice of looking for inspiration all around you. Open your eyes and heart to the seeds of possibilities that exist everywhere. Let this practice draw you out into the world like an explorer looking to discover new vistas and to go on wild adventures. Explore a new neighbourhood. Try new foods. Attend a concert. Go to a gallery. Read a book on a topic you know nothing about. Listen closely to the people around you. Savour words. Look for colour, composition and beauty.

11. Refresh Your Look

Sometimes it feels like way too much effort (not to mention feeling too painful) to think about our personal style. Shopping is anything but fun and fashion seems to be focused on everyone but us. But remember, fashion isn’t the same as style. Expressing who you are (or want to be) right now through your clothes can lift you up. No clothing is neutral and the tired, the ratty and the “not you” block your energy instead of release it. Let those things go and start to build a wardrobe that feels better. Start simple. What’s a colour you love to wear? Do you like clothes that have a sense of humour? That are edgy? Romantic? What about accessories? Are you a minimalist or a maximalist? Find one way each day to say, “This is me” with what you wear.

12. Commit to a Seasonal Creative Project

We’ve talked about creating a practice, something you do on a regular basis to bring the aliveness of creativity into your life. Let me also encourage you to take on a creative project this season, a tangible expression of your creative heart. Choose something that challenges you a bit but that also feels doable, something you will enjoy creating and look forward to completing. What if this spring you made a zine? Threw a party? Started a blog? Sewed an apron? Made a jewellery collection? When you pour yourself into a creative project, you undeniably affirm your creative capacity – and what could be more alive than that!

Focusing on bringing yourself to life is a beautiful way to connect to the natural energies of spring. Please don’t feel like you have to take on all of these suggestions at once in order to do that. The point is for you to come alive not for you to become overburdened! Pick one suggestion that has resonance and give it a try. Once you’re rocking that, try another and then another. Enjoy the process and let yourself experience the magic of spring.

If you prefer to listen, hear this on the Creative Living with Jamie podcast.

I am currently most of the way through Meditation Instructor Training with Susan Piver, who is my meditation teacher and has been for several years. Today I am scheduled to give her meditation instruction. When we had booked this one-on-one session, I originally thought it was to discuss my development in the program and I was excited. Then I find out I would have to demonstrate my development in the program and I was anything but!

Of course, this makes sense. My instructor should witness my ability to offer instruction before she certifies that I am able to do so. But wow, it makes me feel wobbly inside.

Do you get like that too? You just love learning. You’ll read all the books, take all the classes but when someone askes you to show what you’ve learned – ACK!

Last week in class I had to lead a fellow student in meditation for the first time and it was the same thing. I couldn’t believe how anxious I was. I mean, it’s weird because I have led hundreds, even thousands, of people in all sorts of practices, including guided meditations. In fact, the guided meditations in my full moon dreamboard workshops are often people’s favourite part.

So why am I nervous?

It’s pretty simple really. It’s a new skill.

I am learning a particular practice from a particular tradition,. There are specific steps in this practice and though the way is not new to me, I have been practicing for years, the teaching of it is.

It is always awkward when you are learning a new skill. There will always be a period of discomfort, of uncertainty, of finding your feet. That doesn’t change the fact that if you want to learn to do the thing, eventually you have to do the thing.

If you read everything you can get your hands on about how to make a pie and you talk to everyone you know about how to make a pie and you watch YouTube videos on how to make a pie and you register for a class on how to make a pie but you never make a pie, do you actually know how to make a pie? My tummy would say no!
And even worse, with several types of skills and practices, that really awful awkward stage will be – in fact, it must be – witnessed by others. Blech!

You can’t perfect the tango or the waltz without a partner. You can’t get hone your coaching skills without a client to coach. You can’t improve as a teacher without getting in there and teaching students.

You can’t improve leading, partner or performance skills without other people. And it’s going to be vulnerable.

What helps get through the awkwardness and the vulnerability of learning?

1. Know that it’s worth it.

What makes an actor get on stage even when they are wracked with nerves? What makes an entrepreneur launch her first product even though she is terrified she has built it and no one will come? What makes a photographer put on her first show even though no one may like her work at all?

We brave these things when our desire is greater than our discomfort.

For me, with meditation, with coaching, with entrepreneurship, my desire is the same – I want to help. My desire to be of benefit is stronger than my fear of being awkward or getting it wrong and so I persist.

2. Trust there will be gifts in the mess.

As you try on your fresh new skills, as express your newfound knowledge and apply your learning, you find all the places where things fall into place and discover all the places where you are deeply uncertain, and you will learn. The good bits will sink deeper into your soul and the missing bits will reveal themselves, giving you a chance to do something about it.

As I practice offering meditation instruction, I find myself feeling more and more familiar with the steps. I am like a guide becoming more and more familiar with the path. Yes, I must pay attention to what is here and present now but I am also growing in confidence that I know the general lay of the land. When I make a misstep, I have more knowledge for next time. I have deepened my learning and become a better teacher.
And in the midst of this, my imperfect teaching, the student received the gift of meditation. If we show up with earnestness and devotion, if we honour the work, ourselves and one another, there will be benefit to all three. You can count on it.

3. Remember, we’re all just people.

Something Susan said in our last class made all the difference to me. She said, “Remember, I am just a person.” Oh. Right. She is not the all-seeing, all-knowing guru, the voice of judgment. She is not simply “the one who will deem me worthy -or not.” How easy that is to forget. This is so often how we experience not only teachers but any authority figures (e.g. our parents, our boss, a publisher).

When we are starting with something we truly want and facing someone who has the power to grant it or deny it, we have a tendency to hand over to them all of our power. In our minds we create a relationship where they are elevated and we are diminished, where they are not only saying yes or no in this moment to this thing but they are opening the gate to a whole new world or they casting us down into the depths never to rise again.

Why all the drama?

We are all just people.

One moment, one performance, one no or many, none of these things diminish who you are. You are a person. You are of value whether you pass this trial or not. This is not a measure of you. It is simply a measure of this moment. Relieve yourself and the other of the burden of judgment and stand rooted in the knowing of your own value.
We are all just people and when we remember that, the path becomes less fraught and easier to navigate. Today, if I can remember that Susan is a person, I will be able to show up with the truth of what I’ve learned and the desire to be of benefit. I am sure that will result in a more meaningful and positive experience for both of us.

By the way, it’s vulnerable for me to share this with you. I know you might think, man, Jamie still gets nervous about this stuff? She’s intimidated by her teacher? She’s insecure about her abilities? Hmm… she must not be as awesome as I thought. How can I trust her to show me the way?

But this is the point exactly. I share this to say I’m a person too. A person who is always learning and stretching, a person committed to being of benefit, a person striving to learn these lessons well so that that she can pass them along to you.

Be here with me in personhood. Let’s be on this journey together.

For all of us there will be discomfort when we learn and grow. Every time it will be awkward and uncomfortable. But with more awareness and more experience, eventually we and discomfort can become old friends or at least familiar cohorts. Every time we step into something that is stretching our wings, we will find one another again.

Discomfort: Hey, I see you’re learning something new again. I’ve been sleeping but that woke me right up so I thought I’d stop by and see what’s up. Do you think you could wrap this up quickly? I really want to get back to my nap.

Me: Oh, hi, I thought I’d run into you here. Sorry I interrupted your sleep but I knew you wouldn’t want to miss out on this! I mean, it seems that whenever things get exciting you show up. In fact, I’m going to take your presence as a good omen that I am in the right place. Thanks for saying hi. I’m going to run over and hang out with Desire for a bit. Why don’t you grab a coffee? On second thought, how about an herbal tea?

So, if you find yourself learning, stretching, growing this week, say hi to discomfort but don’t hang out with her too long. Instead hang out with desire. Trust that if you show up and honour the work, your self and one another, there will be gifts even with (or maybe because of) the tender vulnerability of awkwardness. And remember, we’re all just people – and each of us is worthy and of value no matter what – and that means you too.

I’ll try to remember all of this too as I offer Susan meditation instruction today and as I face the last weeks of my Instructor Training. Send me some good vibes. I’ll send you some too.