When Justin and I booked our anniversary vacation to Punta Cana, I thought I was going to die. I don’t mean in an “over the moon” excited way. I mean I had an irrepressible fear that we would crash into the ocean. Though in the past few years I have become a more confident traveller, I haven’t lost my fear of flying, particularly over water.

I generally don’t let my fear stop me but for some reason with this trip, just after we had finalized our plans, I started to panic. Whenever I thought about our vacation, I didn’t feel excited or filled with anticipation. Instead my tummy would clench, I’d feel a little shaky and I’d get terrified that I’d have to cancel. I was so convinced something serious was going to happen I made sure our wills were in order before we left.

I didn’t know why this trip was particularly terrifying and that only made it worse, making me feel that I was having some kind of premonition. The only thing that helped me let that go was realizing that I had recently seen a movie that involved a plane crashing in the ocean and the experience of watching it was so visceral that I was sure it must have triggered this anxiety.

It was only on our second last day of vacation that I realized what had actually been going on, where my fear and belief in my imminent doom had come from.

The trip was too good to be true.

Sounds weird, right?

But this trip was so dreamy, so beautiful, so longed for over such a period of time, that I couldn’t actually see myself there.

Because I couldn’t envision the possibility, there was just a dark, blank space in an unimaginable future and that felt like death to me.

I’m so glad that I didn’t let my fear stop me because not only did I have one of the most beautiful experiences of my life but I also expanded my belief in what is possible for me.

So many times Justin and I would be having an exquisite moment – standing by ourselves under the big full moon watching its powerful light glinting off the rolling waves… lying in heated outdoor beds listening to the birds while having head massages… sitting on a balcony drinking champagne and watching the sun go down – and I would turn to him and say…

“I can’t believe this is real.”

But it was real and I am filled with gratitude at being able to experience it.  And I want to hold it in my heart fiercely as proof that more is possible than we imagine.